When I started dating again after the birth of my first child I found myself hesitating. I’m not talking about a consensual shag with someone you’re probably never going to see again. I’m talking about meeting someone you find attractive and wish to pursue a possible relationship with. It’s a weird situation, well it was for me anyway. I’ve never had any second thoughts about who to get involved with. Like most guys, you’re attracted to a woman, you go out on a few dates, you swop bodily fluids for a while and then you both expose your true selves and boom it’s either over or it’s the start of something wonderful. After Hannah’s arrival I started looking at potential dates in a whole new light. What would my daughters think of her?

Children are born with innate intuition where they are able to sense good and bad just by being in the same room with someone. And as they get older they loose this sense or rely on it less. I experienced Hannah’s sense of it in a very real way one day when I was visiting a lady friend whom I was considering having a relationship with (this was about two years after Hannah was born). The neighbour had a delightful little girl of about 4-years-old, and soon Hannah was playing outside with her. Not long after, I heard Hannah let out an almighty scream. I rushed outside to find her screaming at a man who was trying to help her up after she had tripped and fallen. This was extremely bizarre to me, ‘cos the guy who was trying to help her was her new friend’s dad. He seemed like a perfectly respectable sort.

 But Hannah wouldn’t go near him and she screamed like a banshee (again very unusual for her) until I picked her up. A few weeks later I discovered that the guy who was trying to help her was indeed a nasty piece of work who was involved in violent criminal activities. A few months later his wife left him after discovering that he had been having an affair with her best friend. Suddenly Hannah’s reaction made sense. She got on pretty well with the lady I was dating and we had some fun times. Since then I’ve been very alert and aware of Hannah’s reaction when in the presence of adults, men or women. She’ll either rush up to them and jump into their arms, or politely greet and steer clear of them. Her reaction has often informed my decision and it’s been spot on about 95% of the time. Though I’ve noticed that as she’s gotten older, her reaction is sometimes tempered with her own agenda.
But when they’re two-years-old they aren’t able to include the conniving factor yet. Maddison is easy, she just ignores you like dirt if she doesn’t like you. It’s a bit embarrassing when I have to remind her to greet so and so and she calmly replies “I don’t want to dad” and walks on. So? Have you picked up on your kid’s intuition yet?

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When you cross the threshold from boy to man, the magical world of the female form is exposed. Suddenly, your best female friend, or the neighbour’s daughter whom you’ve never really noticed before, becomes the only thing you focus on, and you have no idea why. Female bottoms and breasts are suddenly the only thing you can focus on. And when you eventually find a woman who will allow you to see her naked body, the magic and breathtaking beauty that is the female form will entrance and hold you captive forever. Until, that is, the baby invades and stakes its claim on what has up to now been your sole domain. I remember stroking Hannah’s mom’s belly during birth, looking down, and when Hannah’s little head started squeezing out, only then, at that exact moment, did the reality of the birth actually kick in. But I digress, suddenly, subconsciously, the holy of holies, the temple of Venus, and its twin peaks, took on a whole new dimension. I saw my daughter arrive through the holy of holies, she immediately found her way to the glorious peaks and seemingly set up camp there for the next few months.

The thing is, as a guy, you don’t quite realise what’s happening. You just have a gnawing realisation that something’s not quite right in this picture. Thankfully nature has designed it so that mom probably would not be able to make love for a while after the birth.  During this time I found myself fascinated by the immense love I felt for my babies, yet feeling a slight grudge they had turned the erotic beauty of the female form, and especially its most erogenous zones, into mere functional outlets for food, and birth.

Eventually the male primal need to reclaim lost territory and rediscover the warm pleasures of the flesh becomes too much and you, gently test the waters… My advice is to do it with the lights off for the first few times. It has nothing to do with mom though, she was still as beautiful and gorgeous as before birth. It’s a male psychological thing, that we guys need to confront, or so it was for me anyway. There, in the darkness, I rediscovered the magic of Eros, touching, feeling and exploring once again the exquisite beauty and sexuality of the female form. In true primal male fashion of course, you would only need to do it once with the lights off. Thereafter the psychological boundary is shattered forever and like all good men, you can happily continue the reclamation process with mom like nothing ever happened. Yes we men are indeed simple creatures, and only some of us are afflicted by the odd emotional conundrum every now and again. For me this was one such time. I wonder… am I the only one?

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